Young Forced Gag Vomit

Bad Teacher ★★ Yes, Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz) is a very bad teacher — a lazy, shallow, pot-smoking fortune-hunter more interested in getting a boob job than doing her actual job. But director Jake Kasdan (Walk Hard) and writers Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg (The Office) never find quite the right tone between brutally cynical realism and happily-ever-after jokeiness. The supporting cast — including Lucy Punch as Elizabeth’s high-strung rival, The Office’s Phyllis Smith as a fellow teacher hero-worshipping Elizabeth and Jason Segel as the gym teacher — provides a few solid laughs, and the script does surprisingly little to soften up Elizabeth’s machinations. But there’s virtually no context for anything Elizabeth does, or why she’s a teacher in the first place — and a random string of gags needs to be a lot funnier to support a story with nothing particularly interesting to say, and no one particularly sympathetic worth caring about. (R) (AMC Dutch Square; Carmike 14; Columbia Place’ Regal 7; Regal Pastime; Regal Sandhill) Bridesmaids ★★★★ America has long been ambivalent about funny women; can we handle distaff disgust? Producer Judd Apatow gave Saturday Night Live’s Kristen Wiig this showcase to co-write and star as Annie, a 30-something woman whose precarious emotional and financial state takes a hit when she’s asked to be maid of honor for her best friend (Maya Rudolph). In plenty of ways, Wiig and director Paul Feig (Freaks & Geeks) stick to a successful Apatow formula of freelance off-color conversation and occasional gross-outs, with a sentimental side accompanying the belly laughs. It’s just that most of the key performers are women — and they’re just as solid as any of the ensembles Apatow himself has assembled, particularly Mike & Molly’s Melissa McCarthy as the bride’s vaguely off-kilter future sister-in-law. Then there’s Wiig, surprisingly charming playing a woman trying to maintain her dignity while constantly being reminded of how far she is from her dreams. If there’s a problem with Bridesmaids, it’s the typically Apatow-ian meandering pace; it’s funny, but not always disciplined. Then again, maybe it’s OK giving funny ladies a little extra time for a rare chance to shine. (R) (AMC Dutch Square; Carmike 14) Cars 2 ★★★ We who defended the original 2006 Cars felt that its paean to the value of respecting history was an implicit promise to remain grounded in something more than contemporary speed and sparkle. Here, it feels like that promise has been broken. While traveling to an international road race with Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson), Mater (Larry the Cable Guy) is mistaken for a secret agent and gets caught up in espionage craziness. The opening sequence suggests director John Lasseter and company are making a rollicking celebration of Roger Moore-era James Bond films, full of exotic locations and narrow escapes. But even as the creative team launches into a series of location-specific gags for the globe-hopping plot, the references seem to pop up in every frame. And instead of grounding those references in focused plotting with genuine heart, Cars 2 tosses out characters that don’t matter except as part of the next toy line, while the emotional component is limited to a minor variation on the “like yourself for who you are” angle taken by so many lazy animated films. There are solid jokes and satisfying action sequences here, but they never pull together into anything more than the sum of its car parts. This time around, the defense rests. (G) (AMC Dutch Square; Carmike 14; Columbia Place; Monetta Drive-In; Regal 7; Regal Pastime; Regal Sandhill) Everything Must Go ★★★ First-time writer-director Dan Rush loosely adapts a Raymond Carver short story into something considerably more literal than the source material, yet still affecting on its own terms. Will Ferrell stars as Nick Halsey, a relapsed alcoholic who returns home on the day he’s fired from his job to find that his wife has left, locked him out of the house and left all his possessions on their lawn — where he then proceeds to live. Plenty of things could have gone horribly wrong here, from Ferrell attempting to stretch his dramatic acting muscles, to a friendship between Nick and a lonely, overweight neighborhood boy (Christopher Jordan Wallace), to giving physical shape to literary conceit about having your dark, hidden life on display for the world to see. But Rush maintains a steady tone throughout, balancing the moments of humor with the serious, and Ferrell similarly finds a center to his performance between maudlin and blankly inaccessible. The subtext looms a bit too large for the story ever to feel truly revelatory, but it’s satisfying to experience a narrative in which redemption isn’t written in capital letters. (R) (Nickelodeon Theatre) Fast Five ★★★ It beats me how a series anchored by Vin Diesel and Paul Walker — who between them don’t have the charisma of a single ordinary human — has lasted to its fifth installment. But I’m glad it did, since this one’s the most pure fun of the lot. Dominic (Diesel), Brian (Walker), Mia (Jordana Brewster) and company are fugitives in Rio, where they put together a plan to steal a fortune from a drug dealer (Joaquin de Almeida). The heist involves an all-star team of characters returning from all the previous films, which gives this story more than a faintly Ocean’s Eleven-esque vibe. But as long as nobody is talking — particularly when Diesel isn’t given one of the now-obligatory guttural monologues attempting to make Dominic a sympathetic guy — director Justin Lin does fine work with constructing a high-energy caper. Credit Dwayne Johnson (as a cocky FBI agent) with knowing exactly how to play this big-budget cheese, and Lin with putting together a climactic chase sequence that turns the demolition of downtown Rio into a giddy pleasure. (PG-13) (Carmike Wynnsong) Green Lantern ★★ Warner Bros. apparently looked at the roguish superhero with daddy issues in Iron Man and thought, “We want one, too!” But Ryan Reynolds can’t manage Robert Downey Jr.’s charm while playing Hal Jordan, a reckless test pilot chosen to be the newest member of an intergalactic team of defenders against evil, including a universe-threatening being called Parallax. Director Martin Campbell wrestles a few lively action set pieces out of the jumble of a script, which flies between the cosmic and the mundane without any sense of flow or a distinctive tone. The bigger problem is Reynolds, who looks great in skintight CGI but doesn’t give his character any energy; at least Peter Sarsgaard is having scenery-chewing fun as a scientist driven mad by extraterrestrial power. It all winds up feeling too much like something off the comic-book movie assembly line. (PG-13) (AMC Dutch Square; Carmike 14; Columbia Place; Monetta Drive-In; Regal 7; Regal Pastime; Regal Sandhill) The Hangover Part II ★★★ The comedic premise of the 2009 original was pure genius, executed with minimal imagination; this version copies the formula, to the same effect. Phil (Bradley Cooper) and Alan (Zach Galifianakis) join Stu (Ed Helms) in Thailand for Stu’s wedding — and, naturally, a pre-wedding celebration leaves them wondering what happened the night before. For much of the film, it’s almost enough just to spend quality crazy-time with Galifianakis’ Alan, whose childlike possessiveness of his Wolfpack buddies anchors another blissfully funny performance. But there’s a general half-assedness to nearly everything else. Cooper has nothing to do but spout exposition and react to craziness; the subplot involving squeaky-voiced gangster Mr. Chow (Ken Jeong) feels almost superficially attached to echo the underworld stuff from the original. It would be easy enough just to pick on The Hangover Part II for gags about tiny penises and tranny prostitutes; when you’re hanging out with frat boys, Oscar Wilde won’t be dispensing witticisms at that same party. Generally, though, it feels exactly like a script constructed quickly to capitalize on an unexpected success, duplicating the execution with all its flaws. If there’s a mystery remaining for another installment, it’s how you keep wasting so much potential. (R) (AMC Dutch Square; Carmike 14; Columbia Place; Regal Sandhill) Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer ★★ The Nickelodeon-ization of live-action family entertainment continues apace in this adaptation of Megan McDonald’s decidedly more charming series of youth fiction books. Judy (Jordana Beatty), an irrepressible third-grader, has plans for an awesome, adventure-filled summer vacation with her pals.But when his two best friends leave the city and Judy's parents leave her and her brother, Stink (Parris Mosteller), in the care of their eccentric aunt (Heather Graham), it feels like horror will fill the long days . And she was right - at least as much as an adult member of the public is concerned. Misadventures of such shenanigans involving Judy discreet and authentic than to have someone vomited all over her or be about to eat a sandwich stuffed with shit, which is almost too obvious a metaphor, there is nothing remotely authentic by the real frustrations and disappointments of childhood. Director John Schultz (Aliens in the Attic) merely cranks up the whimsical music and the frantic pacing, guaranteeing that the movie will only appeal to those who don’t have the attention span to read a book in the first place. (PG) (Carmike Wynnsong) Kung Fu Panda 2 ★★★★ The sequel sticks to the formula that made the 2008 original work: memorable lines; Jack Black’s quirky voice work; and a savvy balance of action, goofiness and earnest storytelling. Po the panda (Black) is now a famous kung-fu warrior, but a new menace awaits in the form of the power-hungry peacock Shen (Gary Oldman) — who might have had something to do with why there’s not much family resemblance between Po and his duck-billed father (James Hong). Black in live action can sometimes be a lot to take, but Po might be his perfect role, as animators get to modulate the physical performance. Director Jennifer Yuh, meanwhile, brings another blast of fun to the fight sequences, choreographed with all the exuberant energy of a Jackie Chan classic; one terrifically conceived sequence finds Po and the Five battling opponents while cloaked in a dragon costume, an overhead view turning their progress through a town’s streets into an old-school video game. It’s hard not to be a little disappointed in the diminished role of Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman), but it’s still a DreamWorks rarity: a movie Pixar would be proud to claim as one of its own. (PG) (Regal Columbiana Grande) Larry Crowne ★★ You don’t have to expect a definitive statement on Great Recession-era America from director and co-writer Tom Hanks’ genial dramedy, but you should hope for more than something that feels like the pilot episode for a mediocre sitcom. Middle-aged Larry (Hanks) is a swell guy and a Navy veteran — but he never went to college, and now he’s being laid off by his big-box retail employer. What wacky shenanigans might ensue when he goes to community college! His teacher could be a boozy, personally and professionally dissatisfied babe (Julia Roberts) with an Internet-porn-addicted struggling novelist for a husband (Bryan Cranston). His classmates could be heavy-lidded stoners, or flirty and quirky girls. Heck, his hilarious next-door neighbor (Cedric the Entertainer) might be a lottery winner who does nothing but turn his front yard into a perpetual flea market. It’s all lightly amusing, occasionally even worthy of a genuine laugh, but not one of the characters or relationships — particularly the romance between Hanks and Roberts — feels remotely real. You can practically hear the laugh track in your head. (PG-13) (AMC Dutch Square; Carmike Wynnsong; Columbia Place; Regal Columbiana Grande; Regal Pastime; Regal Sandhill) Midnight in Paris ★★★ It’s time for that annual game of Is the Latest Woody Allen Movie a Return to Form or the Latest Nail in His Career Coffin? Allen casts Owen Wilson as successful but artistically unfulfilled Hollywood screenwriter Gil, whose Paris vacation to work on his novel finds him stepping back in time — literally — to the city’s 1920s congregation of writers and artists. Allen has often been at his best when experimenting with fantastical conceits, and he’s on to something here as he plays around with the allure of nostalgia to evoke some appealing performances. But then there’s the darker side of late-model Woody, including shrill, one-note female characters and the insular perspective that turns scenes into the Jazz Age aficionado equivalent of geeky references in superhero movies. Still, there’s something about Midnight in Paris that’s less forced than most of Allen’s recent disappointments. In its easy, romanticized rhythms, it feels more like old times — or maybe that’s just nostalgia talking. (PG-13) (Carmike Wynnsong; Regal Columbiana Grande) Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides ★★★ In the abstract, it should be a delight that a character as idiosyncratic as captain Jack Sparrow is anchoring a blockbuster franchise into its fourth installment; in reality, I don’t think anyone understands what to do with Captain Jack. In what should have been an opportunity to free Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from the earlier films’ Will-Elizabeth romance and pretzel-logic plotting, we instead find him searching for the Fountain of Youth with an ex-flame (Penélope Cruz) and the legendary Blackbeard (Ian McShane) while his vengeance-minded old nemesis Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) also seeks the fountain, and meanwhile there’s a romance between a missionary and a captive mermaid. The creative team — director Rob Marshall replacing Gore Verbinski — seems to have learned little from past mistakes, while adding a couple of new ones. And yet, they still have a virtuoso soloist in Depp, which means there’s fun to be had whenever he’s reveling in his Sparrow-ness and he’s not fighting for his rightful place at center stage. Part of Sparrow’s appeal has always been his efforts to avoid physical confrontation when subtlety will do; his most stubborn adversaries have generally been the stories in which he’s stuck. (PG-13) (Carmike Wynnsong; Monetta Drive-In; Regal Columbiana Grande; Regal Sandhill) Super 8 ★★★ For nearly 45 minutes, writer-director J.J. Abrams is on track for a classic fantasy adventure. He establishes a solid foundation with his middle-school characters — aspiring filmmaker Charles (Riley Griffiths), his pal and makeup man Joe (Joel Courtney) and company — whose home-movie project ends up capturing a mysterious train wreck. He builds a loose, enjoyable dynamic between the kids, and brings an almost effortless charm to Joe’s wide-eyed crush on a classmate (Elle Fanning). But little distractions keep tugging Abrams away from what should have been his focus. The winking references to his 1979 setting do little but curry nostalgia, and the subplot involving the recent death of Joe’s mother simply feels like extra sentimental baggage. And it’s maddening, because Abrams keeps circling around to brilliant individual scenes of the kids, plus a few perfectly paced action set-pieces. There’s enough of that stuff that Super 8 never devolves completely into rote genre action. Yet the result is something merely pretty good, instead of the kind of movie other filmmakers will be making references to a generation from now. (PG-13) (AMC Dutch Square; Carmike Wynnsong; Columbia Place; Monetta Drive-In; Regal Columbiana Grande; Regal Pastime; Regal Sandhill) Transformers: Dark of the Moon ★★ Director Michael Bay’s Transformers movies are so consistently slam-bang mediocre because no part of his filmmaking DNA signals him when it’s time to shut up. Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), now a college graduate, is again caught up in world-threatening robot warfare when a spacecraft crashed decades ago on the moon holds the key to another Decepticon threat. For a while, the cast’s new blood — John Malkovich, Ken Jeong, Alan Tudyk — provides potential for more than incrementally less suckage than previous Transformers movies. But that’s also a bunch of additional stuff to shove into a movie made by a guy who never understands that it’s OK to leave stuff out. While Bay actually constructs what may be his first coherent action sequence ever, that’s only a snippet of a final hour that plays like the latest tedious variation on hoo-rah alien invasion thrillers. Those who defend monotonous action spectacles often chide detractors with a call to “lighten up.” That’s a valuable sentiment, but it’s pointed in the wrong direction: It’s Bay whose more-isn’t-even-close-to-enough approach to filmmaking feels leaden and in desperate need of lightening, a sense of when to pare down and find focus. (PG-13) (AMC Dutch Square; Columbia Place; Monetta Drive-In; Regal 7; Regal Columbiana Grande; Regal Pastime; Regal Sandhill) X-Men: First Class ★★★ Like the original 2000 X-Men film, this one opens with young Erik Lensherr headed to a concentration camp in 1944 Poland. And while it might be intended to show the franchise’s return to the safe hands of producer Bryan Singer, it’s also a reminder of how much of this story we already know. The principal action takes place in 1962, when a young Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and pre-Magneto Erik Lensherr (Michael Fassbender) meet and team up to stop a mutant exceptionalist (Kevin Bacon) determined to start World War III. Along the way, we get to see how Professor Xavier launched his School for Gifted Youngsters, introducing younger versions of characters we’ve already met (Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique; Nicholas Hoult as Beast) and a few new faces. Director Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass) does a nice job of pulling all the pieces together, including some great old-school-seeming special effects by veteran John Dykstra. Yet as compelling as Fassbender and McAvoy are as a pair, there’s nothing fresh about their Malcom X-versus-MLK, radical-versus-pacifist counterpoint, or the mutant-as-metaphor subtext. As a summer adventure, it’s perfectly enjoyable, though seasoned with more than a touch of dèjá vu.